{"id":373326,"date":"2024-10-07T08:00:17","date_gmt":"2024-10-07T07:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/?p=373326"},"modified":"2024-10-22T16:36:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T15:36:34","slug":"lesbian-long-distance-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/love-sex\/lesbian-long-distance-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Why do lesbians love long-distance relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In her column DYKE DRAMA, GT&#8217;s own &#8220;sapphic Carrie Bradshaw&#8221; explores the delicious allure of dating someone abroad (and with no IG mutuals).<\/p>\n<p>WORDS <strong>ANYA SCHULMAN<\/strong><br \/>\nCOVER IMAGE <strong>&#8216;THE LADY OF SHALLOT&#8217; (1888) BY JOHN WILLIAM WATERHOUSE<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/DYKE_DRAMA_4.jpg\" \/><\/p><h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Did you miss me? Because I missed us.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We had a summer hiatus and now I\u2019m coming to you after the last weekend in August, a little sunburnt with bruised knees from a semi topless drag rendition of Hinder\u2019s \u2018Lips of an Angel\u2019 performed after a couple of tequila shots on Fire Island (I was there to help out with Doll Invasion). Of course, that\u2019s a small fraction of what I got up to, but more later.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We are gathered here to take what we learned from a bratty, retrograde-rife summer and apply it. We\u2019re going back to school, and if you have a praise kink just know you\u2019re <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">very, very good<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for doing your reading this week.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today\u2019s reflection on three months of sun, salt, and more salt (from tears)? That our own dating pools are so bleak a lot of people are outsourcing their love lives not just to different boroughs, states, or coasts, but to different continents. I know I\u2019ve shared my penchant for doing this in the past, but this summer it seemed like everyone and their polycule sought brighter shores to find a summer fling. Myself included. Old habits die hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lesbians are not one to be intimidated by a distance (or ocean) between them and a potential love interest, but since when was this the norm at a global scale? I blame TikTok and an unnamed dating app I am extremely loyal to.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" style=\"background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);\" data-instgrm-captioned=\"\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/C5V17g7sd9Y\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\">\n<div style=\"padding: 16px;\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\">\n<div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: auto;\">\n<div style=\"width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;\"><a style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/C5V17g7sd9Y\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">A post shared by GAY TIMES (@gaytimes)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Since we\u2019ve been apart for so long, I\u2019ve decided to break the fourth wall for you a little as a treat and name a few names\u2026of my friends.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My friend, the actress Djouliet, routinely stumbles across romantic dalliances on the prairies of Winnipeg when she returns home. My friend Andrea, otherwise known as the film programmer @sadnessvarda, found love in Australia. Andrea went down under, literally and figuratively, and returned in love. She even posted gorgeous carousels of her new beau on main (dedicated column to follow). I don\u2019t blame her, they have a shaggy, aughts pixie cut and tattoos and interesting-looking friends <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2013<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that is to say, they are hot.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">International relations are nothing new to digital-first dykes, but what are we really looking for when we set our sights beyond familiar friend groups (this is what adults call cliques) and state lines?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I have a couple theories.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first is that it&#8217;s so easy for our own webs and charts (IYKYK) to feel small, even if we are in big cities. Nothing makes a major metropolis feel cosier than the threat of running into an ex around every corner. It&#8217;s easy to tire of a scene after a couple years or crave a fresh start. But beware, intrepid traveller <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2013 <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the second you dabble in the LA or London or New York or Berlin or Paris or TikTok scene begins the countdown to that world feeling too close for comfort. And it happens faster than you\u2019d think. But nothing\u2019s sexier than someone mysterious and new.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&#8217;s so easy for our own webs and charts (IYKYK) to feel small, even if we are in big cities.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The idea of being with someone unattached and drama-free (at least in the sense of overlaps) is soothing, but is the price we really have to pay for the peace that relative anonymity brings worth it?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have we reached a point of interconnectivity and local dread where we have no choice but to pack our bags and fly thousands of miles simply to go on a cute date with someone who isn\u2019t off-limits for one of the cardinal reasons (ex, dated a friend, non-ironically posts thirst traps on social media)? An old one-night-stand I happened to share a flight to Sweden with (they\u2019re happily partnered now, we\u2019re neighbours) certainly highlighted the inescapability of queer geography. And the New York scene seems to shrink by the day, but I famously have an incredibly consistent and specific type (If you\u2019re a dyke that vaguely resembles Kurt Cobain, my DMs are open).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing\u2019s sexier than someone mysterious and new.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But just like booking a vacation usually doesn\u2019t solve your problems (try telling that to my Jupiter in Sagittarius), can a romance abroad really satisfy the same way someone you share an area code with can? It depends on what you\u2019re looking for. A Parisian food stylist I flirted with tonight let me know that one-night-stands are no longer interesting to her, which is fair. I\u2019ve outgrown them for the most part, too. But is flirting in earnest with someone you may never actually meet a way to dodge people we have a chance at building real relationships with?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is dating beyond your time zone actually a form of avoidance? Do we keep ourselves from getting too close in every sense of the word by choosing paramours we can only see if we book a plane ticket or tend to digitally like a tamagotchi with rizz?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s certainly one way to compartmentalise.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Andrea would say no, and my hopeless romantic self agrees. Overcoming impossible obstacles for love is inherently sapphic, so distance doesn\u2019t intimidate us. We really should all get stipends for dating-related travel. Maybe Ellen could finance that as reparations for, you know, everything. But someone not living in your city inherently keeps them at arm\u2019s length, and in the honeymoon stage if you aren\u2019t in deep enough to really miss them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Overcoming impossible obstacles for love is inherently sapphic, so distance doesn\u2019t intimidate us.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re a good student, you\u2019ll recall that a crush is a lack of information. Amend that to a delicious lack of information. But a deficit nonetheless. And it&#8217;s impossible to really get to know someone unless you\u2019re together in person. FaceTime conversations at the beginning even sound and feel sweeter than real life. If you\u2019re together only when you\u2019re on vacation, the whole thing\u2019s a trip. So abroad broads enjoy a longer residence in the crush category than someone who\u2019s a subway or tube ride away. It\u2019s easy to not get annoyed at someone not texting you back for a week at a time when there\u2019s no chance you\u2019d see them anyways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" style=\"background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);\" data-instgrm-captioned=\"\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/C3VvYH1sPQK\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\">\n<div style=\"padding: 16px;\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\">\n<div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: auto;\">\n<div style=\"width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;\"><a style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/C3VvYH1sPQK\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">A post shared by GAY TIMES (@gaytimes)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But maybe we want that, and that\u2019s what we\u2019re being sold by gorgeous short videos of sapphically-inclined global citizens and paying a premium for dating apps that let us move our location to anywhere in the world.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019d like to offer a third option, maybe a middle ground (like Brooklyn, if you find yourself in an LA-meets-London dalliance). The unknown is sexy. The new girl phenomenon is hot. Throwing someone you have zero mutuals with on your Instagram Story, live from Broadway Market, with palpable sexual tension offers a similar rush to poppers, with less brain damage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We could just be having fun<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and participating in my favourite form of tourism, which is through hot people who live in places you are visiting. One time, a date even drove me to go shopping in CDMX because I realised I really needed a more dramatic earring for the outfit I was going to wear that evening. And this summer, I made out with a girl on several East London corners without a single thought about who we might see (I only have two exes who live there which is a statistical improvement overall).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But buyer beware, catching feelings for someone so far away comes with risks. When you reach the point where you\u2019re bickering about the best time for FaceTime sex, you\u2019re too far gone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being saved as Miss America in someone\u2019s phone on the other hand? Pure diplomacy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3>Loved finding out why lesbians aren&#8217;t intimidated by LDRs? Catch up on previous instalments of Dyke Drama below:<\/h3>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"b0cg9kzbYL\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/life\/love-sex\/when-is-it-too-soon-to-say-i-love-you-if-youre-also-a-lesbian\/\">When&#8217;s too soon to say \u201cI love you\u201d if you\u2019re also a lesbian?<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><iframe class=\"wp-embedded-content\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" style=\"position: absolute; clip: rect(1px, 1px, 1px, 1px);\" title=\"&#8220;When&#8217;s too soon to say \u201cI love you\u201d if you\u2019re also a lesbian?&#8221; &#8212; GAY TIMES\" src=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/life\/love-sex\/when-is-it-too-soon-to-say-i-love-you-if-youre-also-a-lesbian\/embed\/#?secret=SU57mYCcUi#?secret=b0cg9kzbYL\" data-secret=\"b0cg9kzbYL\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ctEbo960aO\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/originals\/in-a-world-of-lesbian-drama-can-my-situationship-be-my-valentine\/\">In a world of lesbian drama, can my situationship be my Valentine?<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><iframe class=\"wp-embedded-content\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" style=\"position: absolute; clip: rect(1px, 1px, 1px, 1px);\" title=\"&#8220;In a world of lesbian drama, can my situationship be my Valentine?&#8221; &#8212; GAY TIMES\" src=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/originals\/in-a-world-of-lesbian-drama-can-my-situationship-be-my-valentine\/embed\/#?secret=J1ae1Hy6XH#?secret=ctEbo960aO\" data-secret=\"ctEbo960aO\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In her column DYKE DRAMA, GT&#8217;s own &#8220;sapphic Carrie Bradshaw&#8221; explores the delicious allure of dating someone abroad (and with no IG mutuals). WORDS ANYA SCHULMAN COVER IMAGE &#8216;THE LADY\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7546,"featured_media":373329,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"templates\/feature.php","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19144],"tags":[644],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why do lesbians love long-distance relationships?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In her column DYKE DRAMA, GT&#039;s own &quot;sapphic Carrie Bradshaw&quot; explores the delicious allure of dating someone abroad (and with no IG mutuals)\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/love-sex\/lesbian-long-distance-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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