{"id":350205,"date":"2024-02-13T16:38:47","date_gmt":"2024-02-13T16:38:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.co.uk\/?p=350205"},"modified":"2024-10-22T16:47:41","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T15:47:41","slug":"in-a-world-of-lesbian-drama-can-my-situationship-be-my-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/originals\/in-a-world-of-lesbian-drama-can-my-situationship-be-my-valentine\/","title":{"rendered":"In a world of lesbian drama, can my situationship be my Valentine?"},"content":{"rendered":"

In her new satirical column Dyke Drama, the GAY TIMES’ \u201clesbian Carrie Bradshaw\u201d unpacks the tribulation and triumph of unestablished relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n

Words by Anya Schulman
\n<\/strong>Header by Antonio Triva<\/span> <\/bdi><\/span>(1626\u20131699)<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>

Valentine\u2019s Day is not for the faint of heart, even though it was kind of created with them in mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She (Valentine\u2019s Day) comes to us in the wake of December 11th, the unofficial \u201cNational Breakup Day\u201d at the peak of holiday stress and seasonal gloom. If your ethical, non-ethical, anchored, unmoored, undefined, parasocial, or mostly daydreamt relationship somehow made it through to the new year, congratulations! But if there\u2019s one thing consistent about single lesbians and dyke-identifying individuals, it’s that we carry no shortage of evolving attachments \u2014 unless we\u2019re U-Hauling, in which case, godspeed, and don\u2019t spend more than $200 on them (adjusted for inflation).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I am here to tell you, dear dykey readers: If you\u2019re single, it is okay for your situationship to be your Valentine. In fact, they <\/span>should<\/span><\/i> be your Valentine. They can <\/span>all<\/span><\/i> be your Valentines! Time to heal the inner child who passed out the local pharmacy\u2019s finest cards to every crush in class. You could fall in love\u2026 or you could just be in an early stage of dating with a pessimistic nickname because it’s 2024. Stranger things have happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is a situationship, you ask?<\/h3>\n

Situationships are messy and fun, even if difficult to define. They know more about your life than a date and you\u2019ve probably seen where they live, but they don\u2019t know your middle name. You\u2019ve been hooking up for an amount of time you haven\u2019t kept track of, and in that time you haven\u2019t put a label on it. They may live in a different neighborhood, borough, country, astral plane, but that doesn\u2019t stop you from calling them anything <\/span>but<\/span><\/i> your partner. And instead of adding adjectives or modifiers before and in between \u201cperson\u201d and \u201cdating\u201d we have synthesized this universally experienced mess into \u201cthe situationship.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I am here to tell you, dear dykey readers: If you\u2019re single, it is okay for your situationship to be your Valentine. In fact, they should be your Valentine. They can all be your Valentines!<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>

You may end up accidentally meeting someone\u2019s dad in an apartment lobby. You may substantiate a long distance situationship younger than your frozen compost. You might fly from New York to London for Valentine\u2019s Day with a girl who just moved there (which would be in fact the second time you crossed the Atlantic on February 13 for a relative stranger). You could develop feelings for your ex\u2019s ex\u2019s ex. You will probably find a pair of their underwear in your laundry long after they stop being the person you think about when you self-service.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All this, hypothetically speaking of course, makes Valentine\u2019s Day the perfect day to celebrate the ephemeral, the sexual, the situational. Get yourself something lacy you can ceremonially burn when they break your heart. Give your hot barista a handmade card. Go wild and make a plan with your crush over a week in advance.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You will not curse your situationship by asking them to be your Valentine. If your situationship does not embrace the camp that is Valentine\u2019s Day, then they might have trauma around it, which is always valid. More likely, they\u2019ll be avoidant and use their sense of humor to mask true feelings. If your sweet gesture sends them running to the woods (metaphorically and literally), then you probably want different things. But this isn\u2019t a reason to shy away from celebrating people who could be cherished guest stars in the story of your life.<\/span><\/p>\n

They may live in a different neighborhood, borough, country, astral plane, but that doesn\u2019t stop you from calling them anything but your partner. And instead of adding adjectives or modifiers before and in between \u201cperson\u201d and \u201cdating\u201d we have synthesized this universally experienced mess into \u201cthe situationship.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>

On the nuances and unique plights of dyke relationships…<\/h3>\n

All too often, single people \u2014 and by single, I mean unmarried and\/or unestablished in a polycule \u2014 don\u2019t celebrate their entanglements because we\u2019re told things aren\u2019t worth celebrating until they\u2019re official. We are indoctrinated with the belief that relationships are rare. That someone wanting to fuck you more than once is a precious thing. (It isn\u2019t. If you\u2019re reading this, you\u2019re hot.) With any scarcity mindset comes superstition, along with etiquette for soft launching, hard launching, and digitally phasing someone out of your life to leave doors open and mutuals unscathed. I think this is stupid. Let yourself feel excited about something for once.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now feels like a good time to acknowledge the unique devastation of lesbian breakups. We all have walls because of them. That thing that lasted no longer than two months and ended four years ago still hurts. To this I say, take Valentine\u2019s Day back. Let it have the same chaos gay Halloween does. You deserve a day where you giggle and kick your feet and listen to \u2018Sure Thing\u2019 by Miguel without a hint of irony. Use it to flood yourself with dopamine and the thing you so desperately seek from new love without the commitment of new love: the eroticism of surprise and delight. (Thank you, Esther Perel.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How single dykes can reclaim Valentine’s for themselves<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Two years ago, I went to Applebee\u2019s on Valentine\u2019s Day for a second date with a comedian. I won the Applebee\u2019s gift card at the aforementioned comedian\u2019s show, where we went on our first date in front of a live audience. It was the hotly contested prize for best date. The comedian and I left Applebees feeling so ill from our $6 Smoocho Mucho Sips Bowls that I had to contact my GI the following day to see if I was dying, or if I had just been stupid. I\u2019m still on the medication she prescribed me as a result. This is a metaphor, I think.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, it turned out the comedian low key had a girlfriend for months, so there was no third date. But I had a fantastic time because we didn\u2019t take it too seriously and forged an emotional bond through TUMs. It\u2019s up there as one of my best Valentine\u2019s Days.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Take Valentine\u2019s Day back. Let it have the same chaos gay Halloween does. You deserve a day where you giggle and kick your feet and listen to \u2018Sure Thing\u2019 by Miguel without a hint of irony. Use it to flood yourself with dopamine and the thing you so desperately seek from new love without the commitment of new love: the eroticism of surprise and delight.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>

Of course, it helps to be playful with people who aren\u2019t assholes, or substantially more into you than you are into them. The best flings need to be in on the joke. If you\u2019re long term relationship-oriented, chances are you\u2019ll spend more Valentine\u2019s Days with someone you know instead of someone new. But TikTok taught some of us that a crush could be considered a lack of information, and that\u2019s the beauty of a situationship \u2014 they can still surprise you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t know their habits, or the spots they take a date to impress them, and they haven\u2019t seen all of your good underwear yet. It’s new to them, and they\u2019re new to you, even if the likelihood that you both share a hairdresser is high. All the more reason to celebrate connection within what feels like an impossibly small dating pool, for however long it lasts.<\/span><\/p>\n

And please, don\u2019t text your ex. Have some dignity and at least wait until their birthday.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In her new satirical column Dyke Drama, the GAY TIMES’ \u201clesbian Carrie Bradshaw\u201d unpacks the tribulation and triumph of unestablished relationships. 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