{"id":322062,"date":"2023-07-19T09:21:15","date_gmt":"2023-07-19T09:21:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.co.uk\/?p=322062"},"modified":"2023-10-08T19:34:15","modified_gmt":"2023-10-08T18:34:15","slug":"maddie-zahm-is-putting-herself-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/music\/queer-and-now\/maddie-zahm-is-putting-herself-first\/","title":{"rendered":"Maddie Zahm is putting herself first"},"content":{"rendered":"

The upcoming LA artist on her debut album <\/span>Now That I\u2019ve Been Honest<\/span><\/em>, surviving American Idol, and becoming her truest self.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

WORDS BY ZOYA RAZA-SHEIKH<\/strong>
\nPHOTOGRAPHY BY GUS BLACK<\/strong><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s been a fever-dream weekend for Maddie Zahm<\/a>. Just days ago the fast-rising musician opened for P!nk at Hyde Park. Now, away from the mania of the stage, Zahm is settled in Sony\u2019s London offices and is soaking in the moment. \u201cIt was the craziest weekend! We had so much fun and P!nk is a mad woman. That’s going to be something I’m going be thinking about for a really, really long time,\u201d she laughs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Zahm\u2019s graduation from American Idol contestant to a one-to-watch artist has been no easy feat. Growing up in Idaho, the Gen Z singer-songwriter fell in line with a Christian community and was appointed as a church leader at 13. Her debut EP, <\/span>You Might Not Like Her<\/span><\/em> is a five-track focus of Zahm\u2019s intimate, purposeful pop therapy. An anecdotal capsule of the 25-year-old\u2019s relationship with religion, body image and identity \u2014 the collection of songs places Zahm in Phoebe Bridgers-meets-Ethel Cain territory as the singer\u2019s vocals are brought into central focus, backed against swelling string arrangements, in weighty ballads that simmer in trauma and truth-telling. So, it\u2019s no surprise that her viral TikTok emotive anthem \u2018Fat Funny Friend\u2019 catapulted her into the arena of must-watch artists.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, on the other side, Zahm is continuing the motions of self-discovery. The artist\u2019s latest project <\/span>Now That I\u2019ve Been Honest<\/span><\/em> is not only her debut full-length project but a proposition to take control of her own story. Coming out and coming undone, <\/span>Zahm\u2019s debut record retraces her journey from amateur artist to authentically independent musician.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the latest instalment of our new music editorial series, <\/span>Queer & Now<\/span><\/a>, we caught up with <\/span>Zahm <\/span>to chat about her debut album, coming up on social media, and figuring out new career highs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Maddie! You\u2019ve just played Hyde Park and supported P!nk who’s an icon. What was that milestone like for you?\u00a0<\/b><\/h4>\n

It was special because I was kicked off of American Idol five years ago because I forgot the words to P!nk\u2019s ‘What About Us’ so it was one of those full circle moments. It’s really funny because I looked back and found a video of it and I’m really glad that I didn’t want to be a musician at that point because I had a lot of work to do, but I’m very grateful that I got it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Fat Funny Friend\u2019 blew up on TikTok. It\u2019s a pivotal song on your debut EP. Where did that track come from?\u00a0<\/b><\/h4>\n

Since ‘Fat Funny Friend’, I’ve lost about 150 pounds and about halfway through that journey, I started experiencing life through the lens of a non-plus-sized body. So, seeing the difference in how people treat me now versus how they did is astronomically different. On the day I wrote it, I got something changed in my car and I remember a man offering to help me. Normally, coming from that experience, you’d be grateful, but I remember sitting in my car and sobbing. I realised that probably had I not lost that weight it would have been a different experience. I went home extremely frustrated and said ‘I’m fucking tired of being the fat funny friend’ and it turned into that song. It ended up taking off in a way that I was not expecting.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018You Might Not Like Her\u2019 is another track of yours that has gained traction. What inspired that song?\u00a0<\/b><\/h4>\n

Honestly, I didn’t really want to write that song. ‘You Might Not Like Her’ is the least I’ve ever thought about a song while writing it. It was venting, Even musically, I don’t even think the structure of the verse makes a tonne of sense, because I wrote on a piece of paper and then sang what I wrote and just made it work. I was writing it mainly for myself. I remember sitting with my friend, who I wrote it with thinking, ‘This is never gonna fucking release.’ I was never planning to come out. I also didn’t think that I was queer, even when I wrote it, which is so funny to me \u2013 that’s the most gay experience! All the evidence was really stacked against me. It all felt too honest and too specific.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your music is self-referential and pulls on a lot of personal experiences. How do you creatively work around that?<\/b><\/h4>\n

It’s interesting explaining why art is so exhausting. Some of the best stuff that I want to put on my project genuinely terrifies me. I have to make sure that my ducks are in a row before I release those songs into the world. Looking back at like ‘You Might Not Like Her\u2019 and ‘Fat Funny Friend’, I don’t think I fully processed those [experiences] before I released them. I’m writing so specifically about my life, which means I’m probably never going to reach a conclusion \u2013 I’m growing, I’m learning. With this album, it’s fucking messy. It’s very dramatic because it’s my life and so I\u2019m accepting it’s never going to be polished because I’m not.<\/span><\/p>\n

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At what moment have you felt a strong feeling of pride about your music?<\/b><\/h4>\n

In the ‘You Might Not Like Her’ music video, we were casting a man and a woman to play my on-screen parents because my coming out was very chaotic. For my parents, it was really difficult because we were so close. Growing up, they knew everything about me and this was the first time I kept a secret from them. It came across, to me, like they were saying ‘No, you’re not’ but what they were trying to say is ‘How did we miss this?’ My dad, when we were filming, asked if he could play himself in the music video to have a chance to respond the way he wish he had in the moment. So, it was a one-take moment in the ‘You Might Not Like Her’ video of me coming out to my parents. That was me, for the first time, telling my parents I’m gay so that reaction was really real.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n