{"id":1440031,"date":"2025-07-03T16:48:41","date_gmt":"2025-07-03T15:48:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/?p=1440031"},"modified":"2025-07-03T16:48:41","modified_gmt":"2025-07-03T15:48:41","slug":"in-defence-of-pillow-princesses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/community\/in-defence-of-pillow-princesses\/","title":{"rendered":"In defence of pillow princesses and their misunderstood role"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&#8217;s clear some things up around here&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>WORDS BY\u00a0<strong>KATIE BASKERVILLE<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/pillow-princess.jpg\" \/><\/p><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pillow princesses have been getting a bit of a bad rep, huh? Welp, if you ask me, that hardly seems fair.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m of the same school of thought as Ren\u00e9e Rapp, who famously said on stage in 2023, &#8220;We work all day and night to lay there like a little starfish&#8221;, when a fan held up a sign saying <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pillow Princess Representation Matters!<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (It does!) And, here&#8217;s why.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@icryalotfornoreason\/video\/7292964469913783558\" data-video-id=\"7292964469913783558\">\n<section><a title=\"@icryalotfornoreason\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@icryalotfornoreason?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@icryalotfornoreason<\/a> \u00ab AND WHAT ABOUT US? WE WORK DAYS AND NIGHTS TO LAY THERE LIKE A LITTLE STARFISH \u00bb -Rene\u00e9 on being a pillow princess. <a title=\"rene\u00e9rapp\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/rene%C3%A9rapp?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#rene\u00e9rapp<\/a> <a title=\"rene\u00e9rappconcert\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/rene%C3%A9rappconcert?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#rene\u00e9rappconcert<\/a> <a title=\"rene\u00e9rappmontreal\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/rene%C3%A9rappmontreal?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#rene\u00e9rappmontreal<\/a> <a title=\"snowhardfeelingstour\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/snowhardfeelingstour?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#snowhardfeelingstour<\/a> <a title=\"snowhardfeelingsmontreal\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/snowhardfeelingsmontreal?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#snowhardfeelingsmontreal<\/a> <a title=\"rene\u00e9rappmusic\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/rene%C3%A9rappmusic?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#rene\u00e9rappmusic<\/a> <a title=\"rmj\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/rmj?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#rmj<\/a> <a title=\"montreal\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/montreal?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#montreal<\/a> <a title=\"montrealconcert\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/montrealconcert?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#montrealconcert<\/a> <a title=\"pillowprincess\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/pillowprincess?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#pillowprincess<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c son original - s\u00e9l\u00e9nafangirlsalotfornoreason\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/son-original-7292964536277977862?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c son original &#8211; s\u00e9l\u00e9nafangirlsalotfornoreason<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When words and terms from the queer community enter the mainstream (i.e. cis-het society), they often become diluted by heteronormative expectations and simultaneously plagued by behavioural attributions, resulting in misconceptions and disinformation. To such an extent that they begin to take on new meaning in the cultures from which they originated, losing all nuance and truth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Pillow princess&#8221; is one such term that&#8217;s fallen prey to this cycle, and now it&#8217;s causing a little upset over on TikTok for LGBTQIA+ and hetero people alike.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some creators are standing in staunch defence, while others are eye-rolling and adding to the harmful narrative that pillow princesses are passive, lazy and offer nothing to a sexual dynamic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Excuse me?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@edanmcgovern\/video\/7317950683653623048\" data-video-id=\"7317950683653623048\">\n<section><a title=\"@edanmcgovern\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@edanmcgovern?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@edanmcgovern<\/a> @nobodyaskedpodcast1 supremacy <a title=\"lgbt\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lgbt?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lgbt<\/a> <a title=\"gay\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/gay?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#gay<\/a> <a title=\"queer\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/queer?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#queer<\/a> <a title=\"lgbtq\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lgbtq?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lgbtq<\/a> <a title=\"pillowprincess\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/pillowprincess?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#pillowprincess<\/a> @Lachy McIntyre <a title=\"\u266c original sound - Edan Mcgovern\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7317950775441804033?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Edan Mcgovern<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In one video, two friends discuss women who self-identify as &#8220;pillow princesses&#8221;. One says, &#8220;That&#8217;s like going into a job interview and being like I&#8217;m lazy.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The pair continue to use the job metaphor to suggest that a pillow princess has a &#8220;bad work ethic&#8221;, &#8220;turns up late&#8221;, and is &#8221; not an active listener&#8221;. As for what they contribute to a sexual dynamic, &#8220;Not much.&#8221;\u00a0<em>Sigh.\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This exchange goes to show just how little is understood about pillow princesses and begs the question: Why does the queer community copy toxic traits from the straight community? C&#8217;mon. We&#8217;re better than that!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We&#8217;re going to get to the bottom of this, pun intended\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does the term &#8220;Pillow Princess&#8221; mean? And, how have people got the dynamic so wrong?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pillow princess is a term to describe a type of sexual dynamic that can be similar to that of a bottom (but not the same!). Those who take on the role of a pillow princess prefer to receive pleasure and may choose not to reciprocate the same sexual touch back to their partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, Gigi Engle, psychosexual therapist and the resident sex expert at <\/span><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.go3fun.co\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">3Fun<\/span><\/a><\/em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, tells <em>Gay Times<\/em> that the perception that a pillow princess is only a submissive partner isn&#8217;t exactly the full picture.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;A pillow princess can actually be the person who&#8217;s more in a dom role,&#8221; she says.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Engle explains that the power dynamic of a pillow princess isn&#8217;t determined by how they have sex, but the context in which the two partners are co-creating the sex they have. In some positions, like reclining to receive, this might be less obvious. However, in others like face sitting, we can begin to appreciate the power and eroticism involved in consenting to receive pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;If you&#8217;re doing something like face sitting and the submissive partner is performing oral sex, you&#8217;re kind of queening. Though you might not appear to be actively engaged in the sense of doing a lot of movement, you are actively engaged in that dynamic. So I think that we do misunderstand it in that way,&#8221; says Engle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being a pillow princess can be, and often is, misconstrued when viewed through a heteronormative lens, painting a picture of someone who is not interested in their partner, or doesn&#8217;t want to participate in their relationship. This is, in part, because of the conflation with the pejorative term &#8216;starfish&#8217;, which describes a cis woman who doesn&#8217;t actively participate in the sex they have with their cis male partner \u2013 i.e. &#8220;they just starfish&#8221;.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The term is used in a derogatory manner and is steeped in misogyny and entitlement. In heterosexual society, women \u2013 especially femme-presenting women \u2013 are expected to perform a type of femininity that is in service to masculinity. That extends to pleasing their partner in the bedroom, even if that means participating in sex that they don&#8217;t necessarily want to have.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Women en masse are also taught that sex is something that is done to them by men, while simultaneously being told not to explore their own pleasure. Starfishing may look like unenthusiasm, but with limited resources on sex and relationships for young girls and women throughout history, or any resources for men that paint a true picture of consent, boundaries and the importance of female pleasure, it&#8217;s perhaps no wonder that the type of sex they&#8217;re having with their partners is not particularly satisfactory or engaging.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Either way, it seems that our misunderstanding of what a pillow princess is in the sapphic sense of the word and the role they play in bedroom dynamics is linked to this gender based socialisation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether we like it or not, and regardless of our sexuality and gender identity, we all consume elements of compulsory heterosexuality and metabolise them, particularly as they pertain to gender roles.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the queer community this can look like attributing actions to gender in a way thats subversive, or it can look like internalised comp-het, where pillow princess-ing is concerned.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;I think that a lot of cis-het norms have impacted the way we think about pillow princesses,&#8221; Engle says. &#8220;The misconception that women and femme people are there to serve the masculine partner and that they&#8217;re not really there to enjoy sex directly feeds into the broadly incorrect notion that they&#8217;re just lying there and taking it, waiting for it to be over.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does a pillow princess do in bed?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&#8217;d be mistaken for thinking that a pillow princess is someone who doesn&#8217;t participate in sex. Pillow princesses play a vital role. Whether they&#8217;re the submissive or dominant partner, their active consent to receive pleasure <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the erotic act for both or all participants.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We&#8217;ve seen the pillow princess role celebrated profusely by pop stars like <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/music\/chappell-roan-on-villain-status-if-i-do-not-stand-up-for-myself-i-will-quit\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Chappell Roan<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, whose lyrics in her hit single &#8216;<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/culture\/chappell-roan-announces-release-date-for-the-giver-sophomore-album\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Giver<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8216; encourage women who&#8217;ve never had an orgasm \u2013 or simply just <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">want<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> one \u2013 to give her a call and she&#8217;ll &#8220;get the job done&#8221;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;A pillow princess is somebody who is empowered by their role as a pillow princess and enjoys having the service done to them,&#8221; Engle says. &#8220;It flips the script on its head that women and femmes shouldn&#8217;t enjoy pleasure.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Grey and Grayson, a couple from New York, explain to <em>Gay Times<\/em> that, for them, being a pillow princess and a stone top (a term that describes a person who doesn&#8217;t like to be touched sexually in return, but enjoys being the more dominant partner), encapsulates the trust shared between the pair.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It\u2019s truly an energy exchange that can\u2019t compare to anything else in my mind. Like I can\u2019t explain it, but my food tastes better, I can sing in a new octave, my hair grows overnight. Like, being a pillow princess gives me a lot of princess powers,&#8221; Grey explains.<\/p>\n<p>For Grayson, it&#8217;s the feeling of full control that makes the dynamic work so well: &#8220;I love being in full control. It\u2019s a strange balance of dominance and devotion. It\u2019s all for her pleasure, but in a selfish way, it\u2019s all for mine.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>As to why people eye-roll at pillow princesses, Grey has a theory.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I think people have a lot of issues with who receives pleasure and how,&#8221; they say. &#8220;I feel like there are obvious assumptions that we\u2019re lazy, can\u2019t be a &#8216;real lesbian&#8217;, and our partners are waiting for a clearing in the woods to run to where they will find what they\u2019ve been missing all along.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;But to be a pillow princess is never one-sided, and I think safety, trauma, comfort, etc, are severely overlooked.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Grey admits that this can hurt their feelings, until they remember that their partner can throw them over their shoulder.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Policing consensual queer sex is weird, wrong and completely unnecessary,&#8221; says Grey.<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The pillow princess is sorely misunderstood within the community<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is also some &#8220;discourse&#8221; on TikTok that would suggest that being a bisexual <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a pillow princess is something of a sapphic faux pas. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@trailerpkprincess\/video\/7490977612106403102\" data-video-id=\"7490977612106403102\">\n<section><a title=\"@trailerpkprincess\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@trailerpkprincess?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@trailerpkprincess<\/a> not all bisexuals but multi of them have told me their \u201cpillow princesses with women\u201d but not a men. Weird lol <a title=\"lesbian\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lesbian?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lesbian<\/a> <a title=\"lgbtq\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lgbtq?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lgbtq<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c wanna kiss ya neck - jamie\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/wanna-kiss-ya-neck-6529169402225497088?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c wanna kiss ya neck &#8211; jamie<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One user made a video stating, &#8220;And while I&#8217;m at it, pillow princess is also a lesbian term and every &#8216;bisexual pillow princess&#8217; I&#8217;ve met is a misogynist who doesn&#8217;t go down on women but still goes down on men.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yikes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Others compare sex with pillow princesses to sex with straight women, which is problematic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@lirtyofficial\/video\/7434260678766103838\" data-video-id=\"7434260678766103838\">\n<section><a title=\"@lirtyofficial\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@lirtyofficial?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@lirtyofficial<\/a> Lets just be real\u2026 <a title=\"fy\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/fy?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#fy<\/a> <a title=\"wlw\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/wlw?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#wlw<\/a> <a title=\"lesbiansoftiktok\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lesbiansoftiktok?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lesbiansoftiktok<\/a> <a title=\"studsoftiktok\ud83c\udf08\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/studsoftiktok%F0%9F%8C%88?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#studsoftiktok\ud83c\udf08<\/a> <a title=\"femsoftiktok\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/femsoftiktok%F0%9F%8F%B3%EF%B8%8F%E2%80%8D%F0%9F%8C%88?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#femsoftiktok\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08<\/a> <a title=\"lbgtq\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lbgtq?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lbgtq<\/a> <a title=\"agressivelove\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/agressivelove?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#agressivelove<\/a> <a title=\"domfem\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/domfem?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#domfem<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c original sound - Heather\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7132379410694540037?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c original sound &#8211; Heather<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nevertheless, this seems to be a common thought, as another user suggests that pillow princesses are straight women pretending to be lesbians, while another defends her identity as a lesbian and pillow princess from a commenter who makes a similar suggestion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@cmonhoneyy\/video\/7486509446567382303\" data-video-id=\"7486509446567382303\">\n<section><a title=\"@cmonhoneyy\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@cmonhoneyy?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@cmonhoneyy<\/a> Replying to @AlienZee24\ud83d\udef8\ud83d\udc69\ud83c\udffe\u200d\u2764\ufe0f\u200d\ud83d\udc8b\u200d\ud83d\udc69\ud83c\udffd\ud83c\udf08 you don\u2019t know most of our experiences. Stop trying to label a group y\u2019all are too ignorant to learn about. <a title=\"fyp\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/fyp?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#fyp<\/a> <a title=\"blacklesbiantiktok\ud83c\udf08\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/blacklesbiantiktok%F0%9F%8C%88?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#blacklesbiantiktok\ud83c\udf08<\/a> <a title=\"pillowprincesses\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/pillowprincesses?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#pillowprincesses<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c i ABSOLUTELY have to - killa\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/i-ABSOLUTELY-have-to-7475377075017370411?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c i ABSOLUTELY have to &#8211; killa<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Others compare being a pillow princess to being a &#8216;fake gay&#8217; who actually just likes <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/vm.tiktok.com\/ZNdUKukPy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">attention from girls<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile, pillow princesses are often stereotyped as femme, or high femme, when everyone, regardless of their presentation, can be a pillow princess or a <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">touch-them-not<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What&#8217;s clear is there is a bleeding in of scorn and ridicule for women and sapphic folks who choose to self-identify as pillow princesses. The irony seems to be lost that pillow princesses subvert gender-based notions that women and femme presenting people shouldn&#8217;t ask, want or be given pleasure if it is not transactional in nature. Or that there is an innate joy in being with a pillow princess who indulges in your position as a top, stone top or &#8216;giver&#8217;.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being a pillow princess is a celebration of consent, of opening oneself up to sexual touch, and this kind of hate fails to recognise the variety of dynamics that happen between sapphic partners.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sapphic sex explained\u2026<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether you&#8217;re into <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/life\/scissoring-sex-position-guide\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">scissoring<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/love-sex\/how-to-use-a-strap-on\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">straps<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or don&#8217;t like being touched at all, sapphic sexual dynamics are a broad church of experiences, desires and partnerships. Everyone&#8217;s different.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people, like pillow princesses, love to receive pleasure and don&#8217;t enjoy or gain sexual gratification from reciprocating sexual touch. Others, like stone tops or touch-me-nots, prefer the dynamic of being the giver and not being touched at all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This might be linked to traumatic experiences, or a developing predilection of the power dynamic. It could vary from person to person or change over time. There are no monolithic experiences that explain why people prefer to take on different roles.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;I think pillow princesses and stone tops are perfectly matched \u2013 a stone top may even find sleeping with a pillow princess healing. It is also a label that is exclusively sapphic,&#8221; says <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/kenna_bethany\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kenna Bethany<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a content creator and blogger who posted to Instagram to share her opinion about the dynamic.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" style=\"background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);\" data-instgrm-captioned=\"\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/DKPkOvOIbYQ\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\">\n<div style=\"padding: 16px;\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;\">View this post on Instagram<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\">\n<div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: auto;\">\n<div style=\"width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;\"><a style=\"color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/reel\/DKPkOvOIbYQ\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">A post shared by \ud835\udc10\ud835\udc2e\ud835\udc1e\ud835\udc1e\ud835\udc2b \ud835\udc0d\ud835\udc28\ud835\udc22\ud835\udc2be (@queer.noire)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In her video, Kenna explains that the multiverse of sexual pairings makes for a variety of different bedroom roles. She points out that there is a difference between bottoms and pillow princesses, between switch or verses and bottoms who reciprocate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The truth is that multiple folks love pillow princesses for who they are and what they bring to the pleasure table.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nobody summed it up as well as user @luvlainey, who tells us straight:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" style=\"max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@luvlainey11\/video\/7439873251234434334\" data-video-id=\"7439873251234434334\">\n<section><a title=\"@luvlainey11\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@luvlainey11?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@luvlainey11<\/a> god i love pillow princesses so much \ud83d\ude2d my biggest weakness i fear, like okay whatever you want beautiful \ud83d\ude4f <a title=\"lesbian\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/lesbian?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#lesbian<\/a> <a title=\"wlw\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/wlw?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">#wlw<\/a> <a title=\"\u266c original sound - luvlainey\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7439873180170341150?refer=embed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">\u266c original sound &#8211; luvlainey<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Too many of y&#8217;all are hating on pillow princesses. It&#8217;s mean and it&#8217;s weird and it&#8217;s dumb and it&#8217;s pointless. But more for me, I guess\u2026&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Let&#8217;s clear some things up around here&#8230; WORDS BY\u00a0KATIE BASKERVILLE Pillow princesses have been getting a bit of a bad rep, huh? Welp, if you ask me, that hardly seems\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7558,"featured_media":1441037,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"templates\/feature.php","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21108],"tags":[21399],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>In defence of pillow princesses and their misunderstood role<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Pillow princesses have been getting a bit of a bad rep, huh? 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