{"id":1437648,"date":"2025-06-18T16:55:55","date_gmt":"2025-06-18T15:55:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/?p=1437648"},"modified":"2025-06-18T16:55:55","modified_gmt":"2025-06-18T15:55:55","slug":"pup-life-bdsm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gaytimes.com\/love-sex\/pup-life-bdsm\/","title":{"rendered":"Pups reveal the truth behind their misunderstood scene"},"content":{"rendered":"

The pup scene is growing in popularity, thanks to online communities. Here’s what they wish you understood about pup life.<\/span><\/p>\n

WORDS BY\u00a0KATIE BASKERVILLE<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Until recently, the pup scene has been a fairly underground sect of <\/span>BDSM culture<\/span><\/a>. Though you may recognise the leather dog masks that are emblematic of the scene at <\/span>Pride<\/span><\/a> or in your local sex shop. Wherever you might have encountered pups and their handlers, we’re here to unpick the inner workings of the misunderstood dynamic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is power play? And how does it relate to the pup scene?<\/span><\/h2>\n

“<\/span>Power play is a term used in adult BDSM play, where one person’s role is to be submissive and the other person is dominant,” explains <\/span>Miss May<\/span><\/a>, a professional dominatrix and host of <\/span>E1 Darkroom<\/span><\/a>. “We play and indulge in power imbalance. A lot of people find solitude in giving up control or gaining control.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism, more commonly known as BDSM, is a collective name for sexual practices that explore power dynamics, pain, pleasure and restriction in consensual pre-agreed scenarios.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Power dynamics exist in every relationship we have, be it between your work colleagues, friends and family members. In many of these instances, the authoritative role and submissive roles are predetermined through social norms and hierarchies and are often unyielding and unchangeable. We often find ourselves slotted into these social experiences in a non-consenting manner. They’re predetermined, but not of our own making.<\/span><\/p>\n

BDSM offers another way to explore power dynamics where consent and self-determination play a pivotal role in the experience. Exploring these same power dynamics in the context of sex can offer us room to play out fantasies, subvert negative experiences, or even to regain and lose control in situations where you ordinarily might not. Some find BDSM practices a good arena to explore past traumas and process emotions, too, and can be extraordinarily profound.<\/span><\/p>\n

When done right, BDSM can be a healing, empowering and gratifying experience. However, there are a few misconceptions about BDSM more generally that can make it feel shameful, exploitative and unsafe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some might wrongly assume that submissive preferences mean losing control, when in fact, submissive partners often set the pace. Others might believe that being dominant is about inflicting pain and punishment, when it can also be a tender understanding of a person’s limits and desires. Whatever you’ve heard or gleaned from fictional representations of it in popular culture *cough* Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> *cough*, the reality is very different.<\/span><\/p>\n

First things first, any form of BDSM requires a whole lot of communication and trust. There’s a period of negotiation to establish boundaries between the dom and the sub. The play is built on continuous, enthusiastic consent, which can be revoked at any point. Afterwards, there’s aftercare in the form of cuddles, chats, snoozes \u2013 whatever you might need. What’s important to remember is that BDSM isn’t defined by a single sex act alone, but the 360-degree exploration of intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s worth bearing this in mind with pup play, that like broader BDSM practices that find their way into the mainstream without context or community guidance, it can easily be misconstrued as absurd or devious.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Photo: Szymon Stepniak<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

What is pup play?\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

One thing pups want everyone to know is that the scene is ever-evolving, diverse and couldn’t be more removed from ideas of bestiality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Pup play can provide a safe arena for sexual exploration. But these roles can be platonic in nature too, focused on community bonding, playing and socialising.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Depending on the needs or desires of that person, they may take on the role of a ‘puppy’ or a ‘handler’. Handlers tend to take ‘ownership’ of pups by collaring them, or the two can exist as solitary members of a pack.<\/span><\/p>\n

The practice of pup play can be dated back hundreds of years, though it has gained recent popularity in more mainstream spaces thanks to the internet and a general movement towards social acceptance of fringe sex and relationship practices.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

According to Pup Play 101<\/span><\/a>, a community resource website helping to destigmatise and demystify pup play, a pup might identify with the label ‘Dog’, ‘Alpha’, ‘Omega’, ‘Pupper’ or any number of other canine related names, whereas a handler might be known as ‘Sir’, ‘Madam’, ‘Mister’ or ‘Ms’, for example.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Pups may wear leather masks, called ‘pup hoods’, collars and other canine-related gear, though this isn’t a necessary part of pup play. They might play, or ‘mosh’, together with squeaky toys and bones. But it’s important to remember that a pup can still explore their pup-ness without all these things. Though they can bring on a sense of ease and help enter what is called the ‘headspace’.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pup Stretch, who wishes to be known by their pup persona, explains that a headspace, for them, can be entered pretty easily. “If somebody calls me a good boy, it instantly melts me. It makes me happy. It makes me want to wag and roll over for belly rubs, as silly as that sounds…” he pauses, before explaining, “but it shifts your mind from everything that is in your normal world to a much simpler, much easier, more stress-free, no worry headspace.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stretch explains that this state of mind is a form of escapism that can be triggered by uttering just a couple of keywords. “For others, it might take longer,” he says, adding, “it’s an escape.”<\/span><\/p>\n

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@tonybearaloney_live<\/a> I definitely get what they mean! he made me feel so special and it was like my heart melted for him all over again. \u2764\ufe0f #pupplay<\/a> #pupplaycommunity<\/a> #pup<\/a> #lgbt<\/a> #lgbtspaces<\/a> #relationships<\/a> #couples<\/a> \u266c original sound – TonyBearaloney<\/a><\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n